My Story

Yesterday's service was one that really spoke out to me. And honestly, they all do, because REALLY knowing God is still something new, and I am thirsty for knowledge and the passages all the time. This sunday, it was about telling your story. The pastor spoke of how everyone always loves watching movies or reading books that are real stories, because we know that they have at some time and place happened, and it makes us all that more intrigued. And then we read from Acts about Paul speaking to King Agrippa. Paul had been in jail, and he had finally been given the chance to speak for himself. So Paul did exactly what all of us need to do. He asked the King to just simply listen. And then he told his story of coming to Christ, and how it happened. The pastor spoke of how we often see two sides of Christians. Either they are very quiet, and like to fly under the radar to avoid confrontation and because they don't want to upset anyone else's beliefs. And then there is the other side who are VERY opinionated, and in a way ig norant to anyone else's beliefs. Neither is the right way. For the right way, is just simply to tell your story. By telling your story, you are telling the Lord's, and no one's story is more or less important than anothers. Because in the end it all means one thing, and that is to live through Jesus. Then the pastor asked all of us who were willing to tell our story whenever the Spirit called for us to, or for anytime it was brought up in conversation, to stand. Almost everyone in the service stood. It ended with communion, and that was the first time I was able to recieve communion knowing I really believe, really feel Him, really know him.

I want to tell my story. It's not finished yet, because for me, it just recently began. But I have a story. I will not be ashamed for what has happened to me.

This is my testimony.

I was brought up in a family where the awareness that there was God was always there, but it was never enforced except when in the presence of my grandparents. That was because my grandfather was a pastor, and my grandmother loved God just as wholly as he. While I had always believed in God, I never gave it a second thought. Reading the bible was not important, worshipping him or praising him was something I definitely never did. The passages that my grandfather would read to me went in one ear, and out the other almost immediately. For me, prayer was the extent of my faith. This was a good start for somebody who was young. But, never did it progress from that. As I entered my teenage years, I also entered a life that was completely avoident of the Lord and what I knew to be right. I engaged in sexual immorality, I put foreign and bad substances in my body, I swore and cursed the Lords name in vain, I lied, cheated, broke the law, and was very disrespectful to my parents. On the outside, I was still such a sweet girl. But that is the raw truth of it. I was taken advantage of, manipulated, lied to, corrupted with, and in return, had no idea what was right, and what was natural. For a couple of years, I was unstoppable, out of control, and broken.

I eventually left my rebellious years behind me, and comfortably fit into a life that was better, yet still not fit to follow the Lord. I began to become more aware that God could easily be a part of my life, yet still the barrier was up. Church was something that I went to on a very rare occasion, and often times I only appeared at my grandpa's church once a year, if that. But somewhere along the way, I lost my way entirely for a second time. Part of it was my own fault, and part of it was from the influence and actions of another person who caused me great pain. It took until I hit rock bottom to finally see that He was infact still there, because I had lost all faith in Him, and in myself. I despised Him for the life I had been given thus far, completely ignorning all the blessing and grace I had been given. I stopped praying almost altogether. And when I did, it was only for me, and not prayer for others. I was selfish. And then one night, like many before it, I felt as if I would not make it to the morning. I lied on my bed, in darkness, and I let grief wash over me. I had been broken so fully that it was hard to even function through a day. I called out to God, sobbing. I asked why he was doing this to me, and I asked why it was so hard to smile. And then, a voice told me to wait, a voice that did not come from my own mouth. It was inside my head, and yet it felt as if it was spoken out loud. For the first time, God had spoken to me through my heart. And for the first time, I chose to listen. I fell asleep, and when I woke up again, I felt something different. It is unexplainable to this day. And right then and there, I knew something had to change.

It took many months after that to actually begin this change. I had proved myself incapable to God to be able to do it alone, and soon there was a man whom I became very close with. Without even knowing it, this was the person that God had given me the chance to change my life with. I believe now, I would never have come fully to Christ without him. I was inspired and completely awed by his love for God. I wanted so desperately to be a part of it, but I was afraid AND ashamed because I did not want to rely solely on faith, and certainly not on something that I could not see. I doubted his power and his love. So, in the beginning, I watched from the sidelines as God worked in him and with the people around him. And as I fell in love with the man, who's own faith grew into something incorruptible, eventually something began to change deep within me, too. I fell back in love with Him. The Lord himself. It felt as if the door had been opened, and I made the adamant choice to walk through it. I took the big leap of faith, literally. I began to listen instead of ignore. I began to talk about Him, and began to voice the words I was unable to verbalize for so long. I came out of my double life that I had so naively been living. I recongized right away that I had thought I knew who I was, but in reality, did not. I was aware that I thought I was Christian, only to find out I could know nothing until I knew Him. I began to believe wholeheartedly in His love, and because of that, my faith was restored. He restored me, and gave me His grace. He washed away my sins, and broke and convicted me of what I knew all along was wrong. I acknowledged myself as a sinner, and began to live through Him and for Him. Emotion and love for God began to pour out of my heart unlike ever before. For those reasons and more, I began to experience Him on a whole new and personal level.

He has answered countless prayers, and given me real and solid signs to show that he is there. Today, I am new, and whole, and live only for God, and for all that he has done. Now, I can happily say that MY faith and my love for the Lord is incorruptible. He died for me, for the sins of everyone. I know his Love, and I know HIM, and for that, I am eternally grateful.