So... Last night I kind of went crazy for a couple of hours. I decided that I needed to break up with Kj because he will eventually find someone better anyway, and I wanted to walk away from God. Which, in reality, I don't want to do. It was so scary. I felt out of control. I wish I could explain my thought proccess over this blog, but it's so hard to explain. It will be hard to explain even in person. I was just already feeling down, and then, I dont know. It was like an enemy was in me. Perhaps that's what it was. It was a horribly rough night. I've never experienced anything like that before. I think the best comparison I have to it is what it would like to maybe have depression? Maybe? That would be awful to have on a regular basis. I am still really unstable from it. I feel better, and I no longer want to dump my boyfriend, or pretend that God doesn't exist. But I still feel... uneasy. I think I am scared it's going to happen again. UGH, SO CONFUSED. God, help please? Your silent treatment is driving me mental. I need something. :(
I am supposed to work from 1 until 10 today. I hope they let me go home early. Gah.
I hope I recover from this really soon. I enjoy being happy a lot more.
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