It is June 30th...

And I got my learners! HAHA. Finally. After being able to get it for 6 years, no big deal. But atleast I finally have it.

Went to the zoo today, it was fun. Not sure it was worth 19 dollars though. I can't decide.

I have so much to do tomorrow.

That's really all I have to say. :)

Oh Mr. Sun

I love sun.
I love tanning in the sun.
I love Tehillah, and live CD recordings.
I love ET.
I love Jesus.
I love the song "Find Your Love" by Drake.
I can't wait for the zoo tomorrow.
I can't wait for Sylvan lake on Thursday.
I can't wait for youth on Friday.

I CANNOT wait to leave for my family reunion on Sunday! AIEEEEE.

She just wanna dance

The last couple of days have been fabulous, despite my official deciding to quit my job. I haven't quit yet, I am going to try and find a new one first. I'll have to suck it up until then. Unless I just can't take it anymore, which could very well happen too.

ANYWAY. Friday I worked, and then Tammy and Breanna were having this little party/shindig so Kaleigh, Tanya and I went. It was so much fun and we didn't even do anything! We just took silly pictures and watched everyone play flip cup and beer pong. And we laughed a lot too, because seriously those people are so funny. Paige and Breanna maaaaake my life. Then yesterday I had to work all day which I did NOT enjoy until the very end because I love the people I work with. I was so frustrated by the end of the night that I needed to vent, so I called up my BFFF'S4LYFE and we walked to Timmy's and sat in there and busted a tit the whole time. Oh gosh, we were being so dumb and it was hilarious. LOVE IT. Then Kaleigh went home 'cause her aunt was in from Ontario but Jenny and Tanya came over and we played rock band and then had an INTENSE conversation about life. About everything. We stayed up until 3am talking. It was crazy, but so, so so good. I can't remember the last time we had a conversation that good. And then today! Church, which was of course lovely. And we (Jenny, Tanya and I) were supposed to go to Sikome but it's still closed, so we ended up driving around the city for an hour and then went to Prairie Winds and just soaked up the sun. And ate. It was fantastic! I have had so much fun with them. I love you three.

I can't believe the lake is only 7 days away, AIIIEEEEEE. I am so excited that I can't handle it.
I hope this week goes by fast.

Tomorrow Breanna and I start our 5 day a week gym plan. But it kind of fails because we can only go 4 days this week because she leaves on Friday. Then I leave on Sunday, so we can't start it up again until I get home the week after that. BUT, atleast we are set on it. I really want to get healthy/lose some weight. I really need to.

I am so tired from being out in the sun all day. It drains you, guys! Right now I am doing some mad laundry/ clean up of my room because it's a disaster. What else is new. After that I am just going to be really lazy and go to sleep early so I can get up for the gym in the morning.

Mmmm, life. No big deal! <3

I've got a wish

Today was lovely! I finished Part B of my diploma, and that is a relief. Finally I don't have any more school work to do, until September! Anyway, and then I got home and did a little tanning. I conned Kj (except not really, he was perfectly willing) into hanging out and he came over and we went to Prairie Winds with mom and Alex. It was so hot! But it was neat just relaxing and hangin'. Once we got home we decided to be lazy until supper, and I tickled Kj for like 2378473 years and it was soooo funny. I was laughing so hard at his laugh, it was the cutest laughing ever. My goodness. And he made my bed for me because I was too lazy. What a guy. :) We went for a bike ride after supper, had to go fill up my tires, and Kj did it for me because I fail at it! It was cute! It rained part of the way home, and I almost ran into a bench, no big deal. Then he went home. But we had a cuuuuuute goodbye tonight. I need more of those, they are my favorite.

He's my favorite. I love you baby.

Whadddup, Toy Story 3?!

BEST MOVIE EVER. TOY STORY 3. HOLY CRAP. SO FUNNY.
I was like belly laughing the whole thing. It was so, so so so good.
That`s forsure the best movie out of the three.

I also loved tonight.
Tanya, Kj and I sat in the car outside of Kj`s house for two entire hours just talking.
We once again spent 34783924 years talking about our dating history.
Kj and I were meant to be together. It`s just as simple as that. Haha. I love it.

And I love you guys, too.

Got Jesus?

SO GOOD, you guys. So good.


Today was neat. I went out for coffee with Steph, and bought raspberries and matching plants for Kj and I! I was joking with him that these are our first plants together and that he should be excited. We are even going to name them. I am excited! Haha! Also, I love him. Incase that wasn't already evident.

Tehillah was really good tonight, too. It was a reflection night forsure.

Here are a couple of other pictures from the March for Jesus.

I am really quite sleepy, so imma go to bed.

PS. MUST SEE TOY STORY 3 ASAP.

March for a little somethin' somethin' called GOD.

Miley Cyrus is so pretty, and has the body I want, and it is really depressing. :( Like I know I am supposed to just love myself for who I am, but this has always been a struggle, and it makes me so sad. I just feel so bad about myself after watching her at the MMVA'S. Like, go home. I just want to feel good and confident about my body and myself like she is. And I don't feel that.



March for Jesus. Absolutely incredible. It was a huge turn out, I am sure there were atleast 1000. Maybe even more. I would not be surprised. But we all just screaming and loving God. At one point everyone was just chanting "God Saves" and it pretty much made me cry. It was one of those shivers up the body moments. It was SO good. I can't wait until next year to do it. Will upload a picture or two once Chelsea has put them on Facebook.



I miss my man. I hope I get to see him SOON.

I found myself in You

I cannot wait for the March for Jesus on Sunday. Only like a day and a half away. I seriously have not been so excited for something in forever. I am going to pray so hard for people to just flood in, and for the gates of heaven to just be opened up to people. I have such a good feeling about this. I am beyond excited. This is going to be WOW.

Today has been such a productive day! I got up, and went out for brunch with Stephanie at eleven. We ate at Phil's, and it was lovely. Then we went over to Lei's house and took his dog Spirit for a walk. Finally, my mom picked me up and we went pant shopping with Alex because I told him he was not allowed to wear the jeans he has anymore. They were like 453243y inches too short for him. Found a pair! As soon as I got home from that, Tanya picked me up so we could go to the alteration place because she didn't want to go by herself. Afterwards, we just waked around the mall and SOMEHOW I ended up spending money that I wasn't planning on spending. How this always happens is beyond me. Then when I got home, I had enough time to change again, spent like ten minutes on the computer, and then rode my bike over to youth.

It was so good! We did a bible study on intimate relationships with God. The kids are so cute because they haven't really spiritually matured yet, so they are quiet. So a lot of the time Sheldon, Greg and I were explaining stuff. It was really neat to be able to have enough knowledge to really speak out and feel confident that I was saying the right thing. I love these kids, even though I barely know them. Stephanie called me a "tentative leader" but I am thinking about becoming a an actual one. I feel called to it, all of a sudden. Just working with kids, young adults. I really want to become a part of it, and I am so excited. And Greg was talking about starting an actual worship service every once in awhile, and I really want to be a part of that. Whether it's singing, or playing an instrument, or whatever. But I want to actively be involved. I really do. And I guess if God wants it for me, He will make it happen. I am going to start praying about it.

I've had an abnormally productive day. It feels good, though. I just want tomorrow to be over so it can be Sunday. I don't care if no one else is going, I am. I don't want to miss this.

God's amazing. Really.

Yeah, and this is why I believe in God.

So, no big deal. Talked to Kj on the phone for 2 and a half hours. I actually didnt believe him when he said it. It didn't feel like it. The first hour was bad, and I just kept crying. But by the end of it I was coming out with crazy revelations about what happened to me last night and I probably experienced every emotion possible in one conversation. And then we just talked about random/normal stuff. It was good. I feel at peace again. Thank you, Jesus. I love youuuuu. That was fricking crazy. HOLY. SO GOOD. I love that I can go from feeling that I have no faith or hope, and then two seconds later I am hit with this crazy burst of joy and love. But seriously? The next time you want me to get a slap in the face, can we please not make it seem like I am about to become the next victim of the fourth kind with the mummy mouths? That would be fantastic.

Oh, and Kj, I love you, too.
I like us. And thank you.

PS. Im enjoying the fact this is my third blog of the day.

It smells like fish tank everywhere in my house.

I like that Tony and my brother were the ones to make me smile the most today. It's kind of neat that they are both people that I didn't expect that to happen from. Tony hugged me twice today because I felt sick and was down! He is so cute, and I love him! He is one of those people that I feel like I have known forever. And I think we kind of connect better then he does with the other people that work at UB. Other than maybe Sarah. He really makes me smile, and I like that about him. And ALEX, of all people, decided to not be a twit for once and we have been joking around and busting a tit laughing since I got home. I think that now he is getting older our relationship will be better, and I am excited for it. I told him I am taking him shopping tomorrow whether he likes it or not because I refuse to let him wear the jeans he is currently wearing. Good Lord.

If it wasn't already evident, I got off work early. And I am happy about that. I am going to go play rockband with Alex while I wait for Kj to call me, because he said he would. Hope he does, love that guy.

Is it possible that i've gone crazy?

So... Last night I kind of went crazy for a couple of hours. I decided that I needed to break up with Kj because he will eventually find someone better anyway, and I wanted to walk away from God. Which, in reality, I don't want to do. It was so scary. I felt out of control. I wish I could explain my thought proccess over this blog, but it's so hard to explain. It will be hard to explain even in person. I was just already feeling down, and then, I dont know. It was like an enemy was in me. Perhaps that's what it was. It was a horribly rough night. I've never experienced anything like that before. I think the best comparison I have to it is what it would like to maybe have depression? Maybe? That would be awful to have on a regular basis. I am still really unstable from it. I feel better, and I no longer want to dump my boyfriend, or pretend that God doesn't exist. But I still feel... uneasy. I think I am scared it's going to happen again. UGH, SO CONFUSED. God, help please? Your silent treatment is driving me mental. I need something. :(

I am supposed to work from 1 until 10 today. I hope they let me go home early. Gah.
I hope I recover from this really soon. I enjoy being happy a lot more.

Can't find the words to say.

I am having a crappy day.

I feel so off, and down. I really don't even know why. I'm so frustrated with work. I want to quit, but it feels like home at the same time and I like to be in a comfort zone. I don't want to start all over, not when I have been there for almost two years. I don't know what to do, and I am afraid to talk to my boss because I hate confrontation. Urban Behaviour doesn't make me happy. The people do. Some of them, anyway. And God's been like, "Hey Amy I'm giving you the silent treatment today". Just kidding, but I just feel dry in that aspect. At the same time, though, I honestly don't feel like pressing in to change it. I don't have th energy. I really just want to cuddle up with my boyfriend. :( But I suppose I will just crawl into bed and watch movies for the evening. I really don't know why I feel so off. I just kind of feel like crying. Actually, just kidding. I am pretty sure I am going to start right now. I think my job is really getting to me. It would be so hard to quit. I don't know what to do.

Obssessed with the "One Life Stand" song. I have been listening to it on repeat since I got off work.

I had this friend.

I used to be best friends with this girl named Kayla. Well, there was actually five of us. We had our own little group; our own little world. Throughout our years of friendship, there was a lot of fights, a lot of drama, a lot of lying. Eventually ties were cut between her and I. And I guess, cut between her and all of us. We all stopped being her friend at basically the same time. I tried to be nice and stay civil because I didn't want any hurt at the end. But I think I did anyway. And I think a big regret of mine is cutting ties the way I did. Even though there were no words exchanged between us, even though it didnt end in a fight, it didn't end properly either. We just stopped talking, and all of a sudden there was a hate between us. Even though I didn't hate her, and I never will. And then a few months ago, I got this message from her mom telling me to back off and delete pictures with bad comments on facebook. I hadn't even said anything, nor had I stopped being friends with her for the reason her mom said I had.

I've done a lot of changing in the past year since Highschool ended. And lately I have been thinking about Kayla more and more. I know that she has not only blocked me, but the other three girls from Facebook so that we can't look her up or see her at all. That makes me sad. It hurts me, because I know I must have hurt her a lot in order for her to do that. I wish that I could have the chance to apologize for all of things that happened between us. I definitely don't think it was just my fault, because it wasn't. But if I had the chance to put things right and talk to her, I would. I still remember her laugh, and how silly she was. More than anything, I remember that she needed a friend. She always was struggling within herself. I hope that now she has been released from that. I really hope the best for her. And maybe God will give me the opportunity to connect with her again some day.

I wanna dance in the lights.

You know that feeling when you keep your hair up in a ponytail too long? And your scalp hurts like a mother? I have that feeling right now, and it's driving me mental. Probably doesn't help that yesterday I was too lazy to shower. I guess I should do that now. I am glad that my part A of my diploma is over. So dumb, this is now the third time I have written a Social diploma exam. Like, really? I need to get on with my life.

I am actually starting to get really excited for school. I really did not think it was going to happen. And then all of a sudden I was accepted and there were classes that looked so interesting. And here I am, only three months away from it. I am so excited to start learning again. I feel like I am in a much better place to be able to learn and do the work properly. Because before I just never cared. School was last on my priority list. I feel that starting to change now, and it's such a good feeling.

I can't believe it's only 19 days until the Lake. I can't even deal with my life I am so excited. And there are only 73 more days until the girls and I go see Lady Gaga. UM, EXCITEMENT. I can't wait to go to Value Village and find outrageous costumes (which, do NOT include bird cages. Kj seems to think that I am going to be wearing one on my head. Not happening) to wear to the concert. I also am really excited to just have some serious girl time. It's going to be good.

I am obsessed with dance music right now. I just want to dance every second of my life. And speaking of obssessed, I rediscovered twitter yesterday. This evidently will not be good for my mental health. I am already a Facebook addict. And a status update addict for that matter. Whatever! I feel that I am becoming addicted to blogspot again. Which is not bad. Because I LOVE looking back on entries from months ago and seeing the changes. It is the neatest thing to be able to look back on. Oh, memories.

Yesterday I went on the computer computer in the basement, and was looking at all of the pictures from there. There are some on there dating from 2006. There are so many memories from those pictures. Wow, it just blew my mind. I had forgotten.

Today I feel like being really lazy. I really, really hope mom decides to buy little ceasers pizza for supper. I wannnnnnit. I am craving.

Hey, you?

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

You act like you just saw a ghost.

Well, this new template business is pretty neat! I enjoyed taking 347543 years to find the right background. And it will probably change in a week, anyway. I like to change things up.

I've decided that this blog needs a new direction. Well, not really a new direction. I think I just need to look at it more like a public diary. Which... is kind of redundant. Who cares! I am just going to write what I think. I am going stop leaving mystery messages to people or put secret things hoping some one will realize what I am saying. I do that too much. If I feel like I need to say it, I am just going to write it (unless there is a specific reason why I can't) how it is. I also feel that I need to start writing more in here. I haven't been. I need to be true to myself. Last night I realized that I am trying too hard to be someone I'm not. I am trying too hard to say the right things in order to create an effect on people. And that needs to stop. I'm not going to try and be better or say better things to make me seem... Well, whatever it was I was trying to seem. I don't know why I do that to myself. I'm done with it. And along with that, I am done doing that in my every day life, too. I need to spend more time listening and observing. I need to be who I am. The reserves I put on things are in place for a reason. I have to feel confident in who I am and what I portray to the world. And most importantly to the people I love. And I don't think I have been true to that. That ends now.

So, hay. I'm 19 years old. I am going to be starting University in the fall, but I am only taking Open Studies right now because I don't know what I want to be. I believe in GOD. I am a devout christian, and Jesus is the biggest and most important thing in my life. I love him. If you don't like that, then don't read this blog. You'll hear a lot about it. I can't make decisions, and I am really loud. Sometimes I have insight about things that I don't really understand where or how it comes. Other than from God. I am a really, really loving person. I always am looking at the best of people, rather than their flaws. I don't have the capacity to hate, or even fight for that matter. I probably have the weirdest dreams out of anyone I know, and my imagination can go to extremities. Both good and bad. I am so silly sometimes that you could easily think I have a problem. It is so easy to connect with me. I have such a strong heart for not only the people around me, but for strangers I've never met. I am really passionate, and I have so much emotion pent up inside of me every second of my life. Sometimes I am too sarcastic. I have such a profound love for music and the ways it reaches and connects to people. I have a past that still burdens me. I care too much about what people think of me. I am always smiling. I think everyone is beautiful. I will always try to be positive even in the worst of situations. A lot of the things I have said above are all from changes in just the past year. And I live for no one except God.