Slap in the face

So, last weekend was phenomenal. I had the best time with my best friends. I cannot believe that the four of us have been best friends for 6 years now! That's incredible! That means I've been living in Calgary for 6 years. Time really flys by. Lady Gaga was so, so so so so amazing. She did such a fantastic job. It was by far the best concert I've been to. I am so happy that I can look back on last weekend and know there was never a bad moment. I feel so appreciative towards the girls because we have made it so far, and through so many changes. That's some serious commitment right there! And we have done it even though there were fights, though there were periods where we barely talked or didn't talk at all, though we have our own lives to balance. But the thing that has always stayed is that we have perservered through it. I know there were times when all of us were just ready to give up. But we didn't. We've always worked it out. And I think we are coming into a season where everything is finally okay again. There is peace where there used to be tension. I am so grateful.

Last night was a really heavy night at Tehillah for me. I just have felt so spiritually dry lately. And it's so hard because I know what I am doing wrong, but I just can't seem to get out of the rut. I just want to be close to God again, like when it first all happened. I can't believe its been almost a year since I accepted God into my heart. At the end of October of last year. That's crazy. I've got some stuff I need to work out with him. Right now it seems like he has decided I need to be given the silent treatment which I am not liking so much. Frig. I need to set my priorities straight.

Summer has gone by so quickly. It feels like Kj came home yesterday, and summer was just starting. But tomorrow is September 1st! I just finally ordered my textbooks, which is a good thing because I start school in 9 days! Well, 7 if you count the two days of orientation. I am getting so excited for this. I know it is going to be hard to balance school, and work, and my personal life. But I do have faith that it is going to work out. And I know that atleast I still will be involved spiritually because I will be continuing to go to Church, and Tehillah, and I am becoming a permanent youth leader at Steph's church this year, too. It is a lot of commitment, but I want it.

It's weird growing up. Today I spent like eight years on the phone with my credit card company, cancelling stuff and finding out information about my actual bank account. And about halfway through I thought to myself, "this is stuff I've been watching my parents handle." and it's strange. I know that I've been dreading turning 20, but I think I am also excited. I think that I am finally starting to appreciate new responsibilites.

I know that these next few years are going to be pivotal. But, I think I am ready for it now.

Today I am doing nothing with my life, which is okay, because I need to recouperate anyway. I somehow was plagued with a cold. Kj insists it wasn't him because I had different symptoms in the beginning, but I think it was him. Because yes, I've been going around and kissing many others besides him. Except, not.

GAH!

I did something awful to my back. And I have been getting awful back spasms for the last two days, and it has hurt for the last four. And I want it to get better, RIGHT NOW. Before I cut myself.

I have to work all this week, but it will be worth it because come Friday morning, I will be Edmonton born with my girls, and we are going to have a fabulous weekend! We are going to see Gaga, which I am SO STOKED for. And then shop, and hang out with my party animal cousins. AH. So excited.

I am almost done my secular music fast! I have until Tuesday. Im not sure if I have to go all day Tuesday or if Im done starting Tuesday, so I guess I'll see when the day comes. I'm really proud of myself for doing this, and it has really helped. Im happy with it.

I am so worried about Chad. I hope he can find himself again.

I LUHH YOU BOYFRIENNN.

Whiter than snow

Today is August 17th.
I am starting a fast, but it's not one of those no food fasts. I'm fasting from secular music. Basically, that means when I am at home or in control of the music I listen to, it is all worship music. Of course I cant do anything when I'm at work or with other people. But this is a chance for me to get focused with God. Last night at Tehillah really hit home, and there are things I need to change. I need to make him number 1 again, because life has been getting in the way. This is the first fast from anything that I've done. And I hope this will be a small step to being able to make fasting a consistent thing.

Also, I am starting my own personal diet TODAY. I have failed at it. And I am tired of looking the way I am, when I know I can look better. It is a personal goal of mine, and it has to start right now.

Hey, I'm in love.

It's no secret anymore that I hope I spend the rest of my life with him.

It was fate that brought us together; God's will.

And every day I just love him more.
Sometimes I kind of feel silly because of it.

Everything that was exciting about him when we first started seeing eachother even, is still just as exciting and beautiful now .

I honestly am treated like no one could ever compare, and that is a great feeling.

I always feel on the top of the world.

And I am so blessed that it's overwhelming.

I'm growing up!

These are the things in my life that are currently making me unfreakin'believably happy, also makes me feel good because I am growing up a little bit!

- I freakin' have God!

- I am in a long term relationship that I could absolutely not be any happier with. And my friggen boyfriend is beyond wonderful.

- I have great friends.

- I am starting University in less than a month. :)

- I have my learners, finally! And I am finally starting to be able to actually operate it.

- I applied / probably will have my very first credit card by next week.

- I love my life.

Overwhelmed

I can do something to change the world.
I can do something to change someone's life.
I am more than this.
God, give me strength.
I think I just got a glimpse of my fate.

Don't listen to them when they say you're just a fool,
just a fool to believe you can change the world

Happy Birthday boyfriend!

Breathe in. It is such a good thing that God has given me the heart to just let this go, because I think you are being a giant cow. Nonetheless; Love eachother. Of course, God's like, kay you need to stop being so angry. There should be no room in my heart for hate. I just am really disappointed in you. Breathe out.


That aside, today is Kj's 19th birthday! He loved my birthday present, and that makes me beyond happy. I put my heart into that, and I think he knew it. Looking back on it, it makes me realize how much has happened in the almost three years that we have known eachother. Half of that time we have spent dating. Actually, more than half of it. That is craziness! I love him. I hope he has a good day, and an even better year.

I had fun yesterday for Breanna's birthday too. The club was so so lame, but she had a good time and that's what mattered. Tonight Kj is having a get together of sorts at his house. We'll have a fire and stuff. It will be neat. Tomorrow we are floating the bow with a bunch of our church friends. So excited for that! It is going to be so much fun, and those people are just so wonderful.

Do you wanna die happy?

I watched the movie 2010 today. As much as I don't believe in it, the thought of the world ending scares the crap out of me. I mean, ultimately I know where I am going when I die. But, still. I want to live my life first. I want to experience all those human things. It is so crazy to think that in two years, the world could be over. In one day. That is too much for my brain to handle.

We dropped Karina off today. I had a great time with her, but I am a little happy to finally have some time alone. Just me time.

Both Chad and my Uncle John are in the hospital right now. I am praying for them both. It is scary stuff, for two completely different reasons.

I am obsessed with this song by Madonna with David Guetta and Lil Wayne. It is so good.

My love's a revolver.
I let it bang bang.

Dynamite life.

I have been failing at writing blogs. Get on 'er.

Karina has been here since Saturday, and today is... Tuesday. It has been a really good time! We have been doing lots and busting a tit every 0.5econds. It's been so nice to catch up. She really opened up to me, and it was heartbreaking but good at the same time.

I am so excited for this weekend. It is Breanna's birthday, and then Kj's! I am excited for his present. He makes me happy. He said something tonight that made me really, really, really happy.

I am having the hot flash of my life right now. I feel like I have menopause.

I love you, GOD.