First of all, would just like to say that yesterday was wonderful, despite how mother eff cold it was. Everything felt back to normal, and good. And it was just lovely.
What an odd day. I mean, I guess it's all relative. It was just an odd day because it... Well, it's hard to explain. I don't really feel like typing it all out just so I can look back at this particular blog months from now and remember. That's the reason I write any of these blogs. But God was definitely with me this afternoon. He was working in me in a very strange way today. I think that I am going to have to really pay attention. He has something for me, something that I need to do... I just need to figure out what it is. FRIG lord, could ya like be a little more clear or something? Just keeeeeding, take all the time you waaant! Ya nasty.
Saw Nine tonight. REALLY enjoyed this movie! All of the actors did a really terrific job. And the musical numbers were very neat, and very well done!
I'm sad again tonight. My hands smell like pears and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. But that is besides the point. I think I would almost rather do my wallowing now, so then when Kj leaves I can just pick up and start my new routine. I think that would be easier then pretending it's all fine, and then falling apart a week after he leaves. I mean, either way, falling apart (if only for awhile) its unfortunately inveitable. I wish I didn't have to, though. I wish I could be strong enough to not let it phase me. But how can I? This is somebody that I have been close with for over two years now, that I have spent almost every day of my life in contact with since knowing him. How can you not miss your best friend who also happens to be your boyfriend, and the love of your life? It's impossible. And I think what is most daunting to me is when I remember how long it's for. That's what I let get to me. I mean, yeah, we have a very, very strong and stable relationship. Im not so worried about us not being able to get through it. I'll just miss him.
But I am so incredibly proud of him. I've done what I can to show him that, and to support him. I hope he knows it, im sure he does. I feel so conflicted with emotion sometimes, because part of me is seriously like jumping on the inside for him. It is going to be such a fantastic experience in every way. And God is just going to bless everyone so much. I am so excited for him to begin this journey. And it all begins in 4 days. In four days he will get to see the world in a way he has never before. And its going to be tough for him and for all of Lifeforce emotionally and mentally. But the cool thing is, is that they all are they for one purpose. And thats to serve God! They all have such a strong support system, and that's really good. It is going to be wonderful. I can't wait to hear about all of the experiences, and what is going on! It is going to be so fascinating. When I write this and think about it, it makes me not as sad anymore. It makes me happy, because I know he is. That's what matters to me. That he is doing what makes him happy, and what he wants. This is months of preparation mentally, phyiscally, emotionally and spiritually about to come to life. This is life.
Frig! Look what happens when you fall in love with someone. You get all gushy and emotional, and its just ridiculous!
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