- Ah. Tehillah was wonderful tonight. I can't believe I went so long without going. I guess I wasn't in the right place with God before. But it just feels so good to be able to be myself and not have people judge me or wonder what the heck I'm doing. The Spirit was just so thick, I was getting shivers up my whole body. And Clay just really spoke out to me with his message. He was so passionate, as were his words. Life. So so so good. I am yours, God.
- Caramels are fabulous.
- I am watching The Devil Wears Prada for the third time since I bought it on Saturday. Fricking fantastic.
- Last night was lovely.
- I can't believe it's already almost tuesday. This week is going to go by fast, I think.
- I miss you. But it's not that familiar, "Oh I havent see you in two weeks, i miss you" feeling that is the usual. It's a legit, pit of the stomach feeling. I miss you. But I love what you are doing, and I am so glad you are there and serving the Lord. Love you, babe.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Let It Rain
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sigh.
Okay. Today = not good. Please be over now.
Think im gonna have a good cry and then just get some sleep. Oohfta.
PS. No.
Think im gonna have a good cry and then just get some sleep. Oohfta.
PS. No.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Run Along, Cold. I Don't Need You.
Okay, so no wonder I was having an off day yesterday. My body must have known I was just about to get sick. This cold needs to gtfo asap. I don't need you!
Tonight I got to see Chels one last time before she goes back to Bolivar, and it was really nice. I don't think we got to spend any time together to just talk while she has been on this winter break, which makes me a little sad. But better late then never, I guess. I think she is the first person I have ever been able to openly talk about that possibility with. She is also the first person to openly say how she felt about it, and it made me extremely grateful. That is the first time I got to actually want that, and feel that it was a good chance. And it made me so excited. I know that part of me has to remember that there is just as much of a chance of it not happening as there is. But thank you for what you said. It means more to me then you know. I love you, and I will miss you while you're gone! But time will fly, just like the first semester.
I'm defs excited for my date with Breanna tomorrow. We are going to get some cheescake, spend some time in Chapters, and then see a movie. I hope I am feeling better. That would be lovely!
PS. Note to self: I think it's finally time for a new job. Ugggghh!
Tonight I got to see Chels one last time before she goes back to Bolivar, and it was really nice. I don't think we got to spend any time together to just talk while she has been on this winter break, which makes me a little sad. But better late then never, I guess. I think she is the first person I have ever been able to openly talk about that possibility with. She is also the first person to openly say how she felt about it, and it made me extremely grateful. That is the first time I got to actually want that, and feel that it was a good chance. And it made me so excited. I know that part of me has to remember that there is just as much of a chance of it not happening as there is. But thank you for what you said. It means more to me then you know. I love you, and I will miss you while you're gone! But time will fly, just like the first semester.
I'm defs excited for my date with Breanna tomorrow. We are going to get some cheescake, spend some time in Chapters, and then see a movie. I hope I am feeling better. That would be lovely!
PS. Note to self: I think it's finally time for a new job. Ugggghh!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
UM, God? Help please?
It's weird that I haven't written in so long. Usually I write all the time. And a lot has been happening. I just.. haven't had the effort to sit down and write. The days have been going by equally slow and fast. During the day they seem to zip by, but by the very end of the day, I feel like it's been such a long day, which drags things along. It's a strange feeling. I think that I need to do something better with my life. Because right now, I am just existing. There are some good things, but I am starting to get sick of doing virtually nothing. I need to start upgrading, I need a full time job, or something. I need some direction.
I went out for breakfast with Steph today, which was nice because I haven't seen her since Kj left. But now that I have had a nap, I feel down. I don't really know why. I just feel sad right now. And that is also strange because I have been so positive lately. It's a weird day, I feel weird. Weird days can go home!
I went out for breakfast with Steph today, which was nice because I haven't seen her since Kj left. But now that I have had a nap, I feel down. I don't really know why. I just feel sad right now. And that is also strange because I have been so positive lately. It's a weird day, I feel weird. Weird days can go home!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Calm Down Cowboy
I would like to dedicate this blog to how much I love dancing. BECAUSE IT'S A LOT.
Holy, last night was nuts. Why does it always get so busy at the Alley?
And I am pretty sure it's safe to say that I have never in my life had more guys attempt to grind on me, and/or slap my ass/ put there arms around my waist/ etc etc. Like, seriously? Go home. I ain't a piece of meat! Lolol.
No, but seriously.
And now we are going out again tonight! Thankfully it's not to the Alley again.
I'm not sure I could do two nights in a row of that place. Plus, my ears are still ringing.
ps. Yikes, that wasn't good. Ugh.
pps. I miss you.
Holy, last night was nuts. Why does it always get so busy at the Alley?
And I am pretty sure it's safe to say that I have never in my life had more guys attempt to grind on me, and/or slap my ass/ put there arms around my waist/ etc etc. Like, seriously? Go home. I ain't a piece of meat! Lolol.
No, but seriously.
And now we are going out again tonight! Thankfully it's not to the Alley again.
I'm not sure I could do two nights in a row of that place. Plus, my ears are still ringing.
ps. Yikes, that wasn't good. Ugh.
pps. I miss you.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Story.
Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.
Today I went and got my Library card. Immediately following, I went back into the Library because I wanted to get a couple of books to read. I started off in the Adult Fiction section. All of a sudden, my legs were taking me some place else. I was walking past the Non- fiction section, past the animals, plants, political studies... And then there was religion. And of course, I couldn't help myself. I went down the aisle... Then, my eyes passed over a book, and I stopped. I picked it up, and right away I knew it was a book that I was meant to read. That I needed to read. So, hardly even glancing at the back to see what it was about, I took it, as well as two other books, and got them. I started the book. It's called "Story" and it's by a man named Steven James. And now, I am done it. I read it from start to finish in one sitting. Two hundred pages, three hours. It was unbelievable. It just spoke to me in such a way that I couldn't put it down. I physically could not. I was so interested that I had to keep reading. I love when books do that, I love it with such a passion. But the way this guy told his story, and intertwined it with all of our stories, jesus' story. Just... Wow. I can hardly wrap my head around it. In some parts, it was like he was talking about the story of my life. I could relate to so many parts of it. And within the story, he used humor and a modernized way of explaining the more complicated aspects of living a vegabond life, and of Christianity and the stories from the bible in general. Like, it was just fricking fantastic. I am going to find this book and buy it, so I can read it whenever I want. It is just filled with so much personal insight and wonderment. AH. So good. He also incorporates personal poems of his that are just so raw. They literally caught my breath. And holy... It was just wonderful. He went through the beginning of the world, and then through the birth of Jesus, and the death and rising of him. OH my goodness. I can't even describe it. And it helps. He relates his own troubles of being tempted and not wanting to give up his life for one like a vegabond. He is honest and explains so well. But in the end, it all comes down to making the choice. Just WOW.
"God's silence offers us the choice- faith or sight. We can either abandon our faith or learn to trust in the dark. God leaves that choice up to us. And all the while he's more interested in our faith in him that our ability to dechipher his silences."
"When you listen to a song, you only hear the harmony because of the emptiness between the notes. If the song is too full of notes, it becomes nothing but noise. It's like each note is a pearl upon a necklace and the silences are what strings them all together.
Maybe God knows that without his silences in our lives, we will never hear the melody of faith."
Today I went and got my Library card. Immediately following, I went back into the Library because I wanted to get a couple of books to read. I started off in the Adult Fiction section. All of a sudden, my legs were taking me some place else. I was walking past the Non- fiction section, past the animals, plants, political studies... And then there was religion. And of course, I couldn't help myself. I went down the aisle... Then, my eyes passed over a book, and I stopped. I picked it up, and right away I knew it was a book that I was meant to read. That I needed to read. So, hardly even glancing at the back to see what it was about, I took it, as well as two other books, and got them. I started the book. It's called "Story" and it's by a man named Steven James. And now, I am done it. I read it from start to finish in one sitting. Two hundred pages, three hours. It was unbelievable. It just spoke to me in such a way that I couldn't put it down. I physically could not. I was so interested that I had to keep reading. I love when books do that, I love it with such a passion. But the way this guy told his story, and intertwined it with all of our stories, jesus' story. Just... Wow. I can hardly wrap my head around it. In some parts, it was like he was talking about the story of my life. I could relate to so many parts of it. And within the story, he used humor and a modernized way of explaining the more complicated aspects of living a vegabond life, and of Christianity and the stories from the bible in general. Like, it was just fricking fantastic. I am going to find this book and buy it, so I can read it whenever I want. It is just filled with so much personal insight and wonderment. AH. So good. He also incorporates personal poems of his that are just so raw. They literally caught my breath. And holy... It was just wonderful. He went through the beginning of the world, and then through the birth of Jesus, and the death and rising of him. OH my goodness. I can't even describe it. And it helps. He relates his own troubles of being tempted and not wanting to give up his life for one like a vegabond. He is honest and explains so well. But in the end, it all comes down to making the choice. Just WOW.
"God's silence offers us the choice- faith or sight. We can either abandon our faith or learn to trust in the dark. God leaves that choice up to us. And all the while he's more interested in our faith in him that our ability to dechipher his silences."
"When you listen to a song, you only hear the harmony because of the emptiness between the notes. If the song is too full of notes, it becomes nothing but noise. It's like each note is a pearl upon a necklace and the silences are what strings them all together.
Maybe God knows that without his silences in our lives, we will never hear the melody of faith."
Thursday, January 14, 2010
According To You
My goodness! I have the next four days off. HOWEVER, I have a busy weekend coming up. So far this week has gone by pretty fast, considering Kj leaving and everything. Tomorrow I am going to buy a Library card, because I miss reading ALLL the time. I'm super excited! It will be nice to be able to take books out and read in my spare time, instead of doing something much less productive. Tanya and I were discussing how I stopped using my card in the tenth grade because all of a sudden boys were taken as the priority. Which is kinda funny, LOL. Mah bad. Good thing Kj is gone. ;) ANYWAYS. Friday night the girls and I are going out to the Alley to dancedancedance. On saturday I am pretty sure I am going to go get my gym membership, so I can start on that. I have been doing really good with eating well. Then our second night of dancing at the Roadhouse. NEAT. I am gonna be really tired out.
Then Sunday, church. So excited to continue talking about the Trinity. Sooooo interesting.
Love it. GOD, YOU ARE FANTASTIC.
I am excited!
Then Sunday, church. So excited to continue talking about the Trinity. Sooooo interesting.
Love it. GOD, YOU ARE FANTASTIC.
I am excited!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Eleanor Powell
'Cause our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God
ps. So close to finishing the entire New Testiment for the first time! Excited!
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God
"What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God."
ps. So close to finishing the entire New Testiment for the first time! Excited!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Mighty To Save
First of all, would just like to say that yesterday was wonderful, despite how mother eff cold it was. Everything felt back to normal, and good. And it was just lovely.
What an odd day. I mean, I guess it's all relative. It was just an odd day because it... Well, it's hard to explain. I don't really feel like typing it all out just so I can look back at this particular blog months from now and remember. That's the reason I write any of these blogs. But God was definitely with me this afternoon. He was working in me in a very strange way today. I think that I am going to have to really pay attention. He has something for me, something that I need to do... I just need to figure out what it is. FRIG lord, could ya like be a little more clear or something? Just keeeeeding, take all the time you waaant! Ya nasty.
Saw Nine tonight. REALLY enjoyed this movie! All of the actors did a really terrific job. And the musical numbers were very neat, and very well done!
I'm sad again tonight. My hands smell like pears and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. But that is besides the point. I think I would almost rather do my wallowing now, so then when Kj leaves I can just pick up and start my new routine. I think that would be easier then pretending it's all fine, and then falling apart a week after he leaves. I mean, either way, falling apart (if only for awhile) its unfortunately inveitable. I wish I didn't have to, though. I wish I could be strong enough to not let it phase me. But how can I? This is somebody that I have been close with for over two years now, that I have spent almost every day of my life in contact with since knowing him. How can you not miss your best friend who also happens to be your boyfriend, and the love of your life? It's impossible. And I think what is most daunting to me is when I remember how long it's for. That's what I let get to me. I mean, yeah, we have a very, very strong and stable relationship. Im not so worried about us not being able to get through it. I'll just miss him.
But I am so incredibly proud of him. I've done what I can to show him that, and to support him. I hope he knows it, im sure he does. I feel so conflicted with emotion sometimes, because part of me is seriously like jumping on the inside for him. It is going to be such a fantastic experience in every way. And God is just going to bless everyone so much. I am so excited for him to begin this journey. And it all begins in 4 days. In four days he will get to see the world in a way he has never before. And its going to be tough for him and for all of Lifeforce emotionally and mentally. But the cool thing is, is that they all are they for one purpose. And thats to serve God! They all have such a strong support system, and that's really good. It is going to be wonderful. I can't wait to hear about all of the experiences, and what is going on! It is going to be so fascinating. When I write this and think about it, it makes me not as sad anymore. It makes me happy, because I know he is. That's what matters to me. That he is doing what makes him happy, and what he wants. This is months of preparation mentally, phyiscally, emotionally and spiritually about to come to life. This is life.
Frig! Look what happens when you fall in love with someone. You get all gushy and emotional, and its just ridiculous!
What an odd day. I mean, I guess it's all relative. It was just an odd day because it... Well, it's hard to explain. I don't really feel like typing it all out just so I can look back at this particular blog months from now and remember. That's the reason I write any of these blogs. But God was definitely with me this afternoon. He was working in me in a very strange way today. I think that I am going to have to really pay attention. He has something for me, something that I need to do... I just need to figure out what it is. FRIG lord, could ya like be a little more clear or something? Just keeeeeding, take all the time you waaant! Ya nasty.
Saw Nine tonight. REALLY enjoyed this movie! All of the actors did a really terrific job. And the musical numbers were very neat, and very well done!
I'm sad again tonight. My hands smell like pears and I cannot for the life of me figure out why. But that is besides the point. I think I would almost rather do my wallowing now, so then when Kj leaves I can just pick up and start my new routine. I think that would be easier then pretending it's all fine, and then falling apart a week after he leaves. I mean, either way, falling apart (if only for awhile) its unfortunately inveitable. I wish I didn't have to, though. I wish I could be strong enough to not let it phase me. But how can I? This is somebody that I have been close with for over two years now, that I have spent almost every day of my life in contact with since knowing him. How can you not miss your best friend who also happens to be your boyfriend, and the love of your life? It's impossible. And I think what is most daunting to me is when I remember how long it's for. That's what I let get to me. I mean, yeah, we have a very, very strong and stable relationship. Im not so worried about us not being able to get through it. I'll just miss him.
But I am so incredibly proud of him. I've done what I can to show him that, and to support him. I hope he knows it, im sure he does. I feel so conflicted with emotion sometimes, because part of me is seriously like jumping on the inside for him. It is going to be such a fantastic experience in every way. And God is just going to bless everyone so much. I am so excited for him to begin this journey. And it all begins in 4 days. In four days he will get to see the world in a way he has never before. And its going to be tough for him and for all of Lifeforce emotionally and mentally. But the cool thing is, is that they all are they for one purpose. And thats to serve God! They all have such a strong support system, and that's really good. It is going to be wonderful. I can't wait to hear about all of the experiences, and what is going on! It is going to be so fascinating. When I write this and think about it, it makes me not as sad anymore. It makes me happy, because I know he is. That's what matters to me. That he is doing what makes him happy, and what he wants. This is months of preparation mentally, phyiscally, emotionally and spiritually about to come to life. This is life.
Frig! Look what happens when you fall in love with someone. You get all gushy and emotional, and its just ridiculous!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I Like to Eat Eat Eat, Apples and Banana's
I really should be going to bed, but there is so much on my mind!
Luckily, I came to a conclusion today that has been making me feel much better about things.
It doesn't stop the other feeling I have completely, but it subsides the panic.
I am very excited for the Banff trip tomorrow with those girls that I love.
And I have to be up in like eight hours for that nonsense.
Goodness.
Thanks be to God.
Goodnight, everyone.
Luckily, I came to a conclusion today that has been making me feel much better about things.
It doesn't stop the other feeling I have completely, but it subsides the panic.
I am very excited for the Banff trip tomorrow with those girls that I love.
And I have to be up in like eight hours for that nonsense.
Goodness.
Thanks be to God.
Goodnight, everyone.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Beginning 2010.
It has been a whirlwind the last week. Everything has been very fast, and wonderful.
You know, I honestly couldn't even believe it when it was New Years eve on Thursday night. It didn't even feel like it. And then the countdown started, and all of a sudden everything hit. I could just feel my mind racing through the year. And what a year it was. Last year changed my life, in every way possible. At the end of 2008 I was positive that last year would bring nothing good. I was positive that things were never going to get better, because I was a mess. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been more wrong. There has been a lot of good, some bad, and more than anything, memories that I will never trade the world for. All I can really do is sit back, and think, "wow." That word pretty much sums it all up. It's actually making me cry. And God showed me the way. It took awhile, but I finally came to. I have so many wonderful memories, and moments that come to mind when I think about 2009. And now I can look back and say, now that was a good year. It was hard at times, there were mental and physical obstacles that were constantly there. But the difference is that I had the strength to pick myself up every time. I owe that to God. And I owe that also to the people that love me. What a year filled with revelations, experiences, and new beginnings. I had a wonderful time at Kj's. He just had a few of our friends over, and we did nothing special. I really couldn't have asked for a better New Years regardless. We didn't sleep like at all, and spent all night talking. Loved it.
Goodbye, 2009.
To start off the New Year, was a trip to Camrose. I was pretty positive by wednesday of last week that Kj was not going to be able to come. But then, he was! And I was super excited. Camrose has always meant a great deal to me. It was where I was born, where I spent my childhood growing up. And I couldn't wait to share it with Kj. And as it turns out, I had a fantastic time. We laughed so much on Friday. We were just so silly; we were being us. Kj got to meet a few of my family members, and I was impressed at how he was trying to get ahold of who they were and how they worked into my huge family. I was excited for them all to meet this wonderful guy of mine. We hung out with my two favorites from Camrose, and it was so nice to catch up with both of them. It's not until I go back to visit that I realize how much I love them, and how much I love that place, even though it is no longer what I call home. Today I got to spend a few moments with him in my favorite place ever. And we were silent, and even though it was freezing, it was a beautiful moment for me. And I was so happy. The last two days with Kj meant more than I think he knows, and I think, for me, it was the perfect way to start off 2010.
You know, I honestly couldn't even believe it when it was New Years eve on Thursday night. It didn't even feel like it. And then the countdown started, and all of a sudden everything hit. I could just feel my mind racing through the year. And what a year it was. Last year changed my life, in every way possible. At the end of 2008 I was positive that last year would bring nothing good. I was positive that things were never going to get better, because I was a mess. I'm pretty sure I couldn't have been more wrong. There has been a lot of good, some bad, and more than anything, memories that I will never trade the world for. All I can really do is sit back, and think, "wow." That word pretty much sums it all up. It's actually making me cry. And God showed me the way. It took awhile, but I finally came to. I have so many wonderful memories, and moments that come to mind when I think about 2009. And now I can look back and say, now that was a good year. It was hard at times, there were mental and physical obstacles that were constantly there. But the difference is that I had the strength to pick myself up every time. I owe that to God. And I owe that also to the people that love me. What a year filled with revelations, experiences, and new beginnings. I had a wonderful time at Kj's. He just had a few of our friends over, and we did nothing special. I really couldn't have asked for a better New Years regardless. We didn't sleep like at all, and spent all night talking. Loved it.
Goodbye, 2009.
To start off the New Year, was a trip to Camrose. I was pretty positive by wednesday of last week that Kj was not going to be able to come. But then, he was! And I was super excited. Camrose has always meant a great deal to me. It was where I was born, where I spent my childhood growing up. And I couldn't wait to share it with Kj. And as it turns out, I had a fantastic time. We laughed so much on Friday. We were just so silly; we were being us. Kj got to meet a few of my family members, and I was impressed at how he was trying to get ahold of who they were and how they worked into my huge family. I was excited for them all to meet this wonderful guy of mine. We hung out with my two favorites from Camrose, and it was so nice to catch up with both of them. It's not until I go back to visit that I realize how much I love them, and how much I love that place, even though it is no longer what I call home. Today I got to spend a few moments with him in my favorite place ever. And we were silent, and even though it was freezing, it was a beautiful moment for me. And I was so happy. The last two days with Kj meant more than I think he knows, and I think, for me, it was the perfect way to start off 2010.
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