I'll Never Be The Same

Holy crap.

That came out of nowhere.

Holy. I am overwhelmed.

I Hope You Don't Mind

I am kind of having one of those reflection days. You know when you get rolling on one thought about you past, and then that just brings on a whole new set? I am thinking about what my life would be like if I hadn't of moved to Calgary. But at the same time, I can't picture it because it goes back to that whole "everything happens for a reason" phrase. I don't believe it was coincidence, nor do I believe that it happened by a chance. It was fate. And it was fate because God made it so. I know that it is biased for me to say that to anyone who does not share the same belief. But, for me, personally. That is my truth. But I wonder why God chose this path for me. Why was I put here, in Calgary. Why was I given this family, or this group of friends? It is so weird to think that I could be anywhere and nowhere right now. My life, had God chosen it, could be of completely different circumstances. I could be in a far worse situation. I am so grateful for what I have been blessed with so far. But sometimes it is hard to look back and see all of the hurt and pain in the world, and not question why God has made it this way. Why, if he is in all powerful God, is he seemingly unable to rid the world of the pain? I guess because without suffering there would be no compassion. Or, because without pain and suffering there would be no room for hope or faith either. We were not set on this earth to waste our human life, regardless of whether or not we'll spend eternity in Heaven. We have to perservere always. We are constantly on a fence, wondering which way is right, and which way is wrong. God, you are so big. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with your presence, and what you have already done. Just, wow! I love how I completely went off topic. It's strange having days like this. And it's so peculiar how the human mind works. I am so fascinated by people and their behaviours and personalities.

I've just decided I am going to forget talking about my reflections, because my mind seems too ADD to talk about it.

I love my life, even through the obstacles.

I'm Defying Gravity

I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore. I am sick of it.
It feels like this may be the beginning of an end.
I like how there was a whopping five whole people in class today. Lolz.
Get with the program, people.
God's the best thing that ever, ever happened to me.
I am at such a good place with myself and who I am. It's such a refreshing change.
Everybody always looks beautiful, everything always looks beautiful.
Everything is beautiful.
My heart and my mind's perspective is changing so much all the time.
OHHH SOOO NERVOUSSSS!!! Please, God, give me this chance.
I miss you. Only 34 more days until we start our next chapter. I am getting excited.

Great Is Your Name

I had a really wonderful day. But tonight hit me very hard. And some of the things we talked about did, too.

I have some thinking to do.

yep.

That was a bit of a punch right through the heart.

Neeeeeeat!

Oh hayyy, today is my one year anniversary.
And it's also eight weeks until Kj comes home.
I luhhh you.

Carry Out

/ It's been exactly nine weeks. 63 days. And to think, I used to complain when I hadn't seen him for 14 days. I miss you more than I can even put into words. Honestly.

/ Lord, let tonight be good.

/ I feel you in my bones, you're knockin' at my windows. You're slow to lettin' me go, and I know this feeling oh, so, this feeling in my bones.

/ And now the real work begins. I can do this!!!

/ Let's bring it back.

/ Cannot wait for summer.

Seriously?

Are you kidding me? Did that really happen tonight? After going MORE THAN A YEAR without a glance of you. And then all of a sudden having this super vivid dream of you like four nights ago. You show up to my best friends birthday, with whom you don't even talk to, to buy her a shot, stare at me for a couple of minutes, and then leave? What WAS that? You dont even have the balls to say hi, let alone make eye contact. Go home.

Peace

I am at absolute peace with myself again.

Let it rain
Let it rain
Would you open the floodgates of Heaven

I Was The Last To Know

I didn't realize it was possible for things to become any more confusing, but of course you were the one to succeed in proving me wrong. You can go home, too. I am going into hermit mode until further notice. Until I can fricking figure life out.