I'm growing up!

These are the things in my life that are currently making me unfreakin'believably happy, also makes me feel good because I am growing up a little bit!

- I freakin' have God!

- I am in a long term relationship that I could absolutely not be any happier with. And my friggen boyfriend is beyond wonderful.

- I have great friends.

- I am starting University in less than a month. :)

- I have my learners, finally! And I am finally starting to be able to actually operate it.

- I applied / probably will have my very first credit card by next week.

- I love my life.

Overwhelmed

I can do something to change the world.
I can do something to change someone's life.
I am more than this.
God, give me strength.
I think I just got a glimpse of my fate.

Don't listen to them when they say you're just a fool,
just a fool to believe you can change the world

Happy Birthday boyfriend!

Breathe in. It is such a good thing that God has given me the heart to just let this go, because I think you are being a giant cow. Nonetheless; Love eachother. Of course, God's like, kay you need to stop being so angry. There should be no room in my heart for hate. I just am really disappointed in you. Breathe out.


That aside, today is Kj's 19th birthday! He loved my birthday present, and that makes me beyond happy. I put my heart into that, and I think he knew it. Looking back on it, it makes me realize how much has happened in the almost three years that we have known eachother. Half of that time we have spent dating. Actually, more than half of it. That is craziness! I love him. I hope he has a good day, and an even better year.

I had fun yesterday for Breanna's birthday too. The club was so so lame, but she had a good time and that's what mattered. Tonight Kj is having a get together of sorts at his house. We'll have a fire and stuff. It will be neat. Tomorrow we are floating the bow with a bunch of our church friends. So excited for that! It is going to be so much fun, and those people are just so wonderful.

Do you wanna die happy?

I watched the movie 2010 today. As much as I don't believe in it, the thought of the world ending scares the crap out of me. I mean, ultimately I know where I am going when I die. But, still. I want to live my life first. I want to experience all those human things. It is so crazy to think that in two years, the world could be over. In one day. That is too much for my brain to handle.

We dropped Karina off today. I had a great time with her, but I am a little happy to finally have some time alone. Just me time.

Both Chad and my Uncle John are in the hospital right now. I am praying for them both. It is scary stuff, for two completely different reasons.

I am obsessed with this song by Madonna with David Guetta and Lil Wayne. It is so good.

My love's a revolver.
I let it bang bang.

Dynamite life.

I have been failing at writing blogs. Get on 'er.

Karina has been here since Saturday, and today is... Tuesday. It has been a really good time! We have been doing lots and busting a tit every 0.5econds. It's been so nice to catch up. She really opened up to me, and it was heartbreaking but good at the same time.

I am so excited for this weekend. It is Breanna's birthday, and then Kj's! I am excited for his present. He makes me happy. He said something tonight that made me really, really, really happy.

I am having the hot flash of my life right now. I feel like I have menopause.

I love you, GOD.

The "C" button on the keyboard is sticking.

"I like Jesus. He can stay."

AMEN. Life got in the way for awhile, there. I got distracted. That's okay, though.
He still loves me.

But especially after last week and tonight, I defs have refocused.

VBS ftw.

Today was the first of day of helping out at my grandpa's church for VBS. It was cute! I'm really glad Steph can help me out. It's nice having someone else there to interact with, as much as I love my grandparents. And this kids were pretty responsive to it, so that is good, too! We went to Denny's during our break and it was lovely.

I have been having a rough couple of days. I don't know why I am getting so emotional and upset over this stuff, but I am. And I am not going to apologize because it is how I feel. I know what I need to do, I just don't want to.

My dreams are scaring me. But not in a BOO! kind of scary way. In a... what is my sub consious trying to tell me kind of way. What is God trying to tell me?

What is changing in me... ?

Not tryin' to rewind

Well.

Yesterday was Stampede day. In the morning I went to the Stampede breakfast at Sunridge with some of my co workers, and it was actually a lot of fun. I love those people. And I went with a pretty random group of people to the actual Stampede. Me, Kj, Steph, Jordan, Nikkie, Chelsea, Breanna, Britney, and Lei. Wait, what? Rewind, freeze: Jordan and Nikkie? Yes. We hung out with them the whole time. It was weird. But, it was a weird good. I think that the ice has finally been broken completely. And for the first time in over two years, I felt comfortable around Jordan, and Nikkie for that matter. It was really, really neat. I was able to joke, and laugh and talk. It was actually really cool to see Jordan and Kj hanging out and Nikkie and I were able to just talk. That part aside, Stampede was a heck of a lot of fun. Went on some rides, ate too much, busted a tit a few times, shopped. What else is new. Except when one of the rides broke down and there were ambulances and cops. It was scary. I refused to go on any rides after that. But I am glad no one died.

I don't know. I feel like I am still proccessing yesterday. It was pretty monumental for me. It almost feels like relief. It's been one of those things in your life that you are always unsettled about because there was never closure. But now I feel like that I have that, so if it was that I never saw Jordan or Nikkie again,, or alteast not for a long time, I wouldn't feel that unsettling. I don't think that's going to happen though. I feel like there is more coming, and I hope it does. I know that I can handle it now. And thank you, God. For being with me. I love you more than anything. Help me be a light, always.


PS. I have a terrible feeling about something, and I can't find the words to tell anyone or explain it.

And I'm on my way to believing

I bought the cutest pink summer dress from Le Chateau today. Oh my goodness. And it's a small! I couldn't even believe it. Seriously, the last time I bought a small was probably grade ten or eleven. And I mean, technically its only because its one of those dresses that are tight fitting in the waist and then flowy at the bottom. 'Cause if it was tight fitting all over there is no way I'd get myself into a small. But it feels nice, it makes me feel better about myself. I had a good self esteem day today, which is also nice to have once in awhile.

I found out that I actually don't work on Friday, so I get to go to Stampede with Kj and Steph. And whoever else is coming, I haven't asked Steph who else she invited. Is it bad to wear a dress to Stampede? I want to wear my new one so bad! I am excited to go on some rides, but I am going to try not to spend too much money. Oh! And! On Friday morning I am going to meet up with a bunch of my co workers for the Stampede breakfast at Sunridge.

Work is all of a sudden better right now. But I know that is temporary. Something will happen and I'll be unhappy again. For now, though, I am content. And I seriously love my co workers. Tony is my absolutely fav right now. Holy frig.

I need a hair cut.




Because none of it was ever worth the risk;
you are the only excpetion

Best week of the year, always.

My goodness, it's been awhile. I am home from my family reunion! It seriously was such a beautiful week. We had the best weather, and I love my family so so so so much. It also meant a lot to have Kj there this year. We certainly got stared at a fair bit. I think my family likes to see me happy. Ah, I love them. I wish I wasn't home, as bad as that sounds. I wish it lasted longer. It was just beautiful. We did a lot of stuff, went into town, went on hikes, swam lots. I did the biggest fail of my life, and was walking on the logs and fell down doing the splits. Lets just say I have some very purple bruises in places you should never have to have them. Good lord. Despite that, I had an amazing week.

On anther note, you need to go home.